like a MAN. like a WOMAN. how do you see yourself?: socialization

i watched two videos. one was "Killing Us Softly" and the other "A Call To Men"

Killing Us Softly was a documentary done by Jean Kilbourne. It spoke about how advertisements send messages about how we as people are supposed to be portrayed, particularly women. the depiction of how women are supposed to look and even act. In countless advertisements women are portrayed as flawless. No blemishes, ridiculously skinny, tall, not a single hair is put out of place. Which is absolutely not even possible in reality. Not only were they flawless but they were also created into objects. They were posed and placed alongside products that were reminiscent of male genitalia. Down on all fours just to be used a foot stool for a man.

What was also shown, was that the poses women/girls are made to do are always portraying them as timid, shy, quiet, even silent. Whereas when compared with pictures of men, the men are always shown as tall, tough, macho, loud, and domineering.

"A Call to Men" by Tony Porter spoke about the Man Box. This sort of mold that males have to fit into in order to be considered a man. The Man Box states that men should never show emotion in public except for anger. They can't show fear. They must be dominant especially over women. Heterosexual, "do not be like a gay man." "Do not be 'like a women'" Tough, athletic, strong, courageous, makes decisions, does not need help. To view women as property/objects. Macho macho man. And this idea of fitting into the man box is instilled into young boys from the beginning "stop crying. be a man." I can't tell you how many times I hear guys say this.

He also gives his experience having to do with his former peer who had invited Tony into his home to rape a girl. This peer treated the girl like a sex toy. Not only did this peer invited Tony, but he invited the who neighborhood. She's mentally ill now. He also gives the experience where at a funeral his father cried only when the women weren't around. Even going so far as to apologize for crying.

Boys must act like boys. Girls must act like girls. Anything opposite is incomprehensible



This isn't the first time I've heard this sort of thing. For a long time i've known that advertising always had subliminal messages. About the ideal sort of women that you have to be, and if you're not,  you're worthless. That if you're a man, and you cry, people might think less of you. That if you don't fit the mold that is given to you at birth, you are outcast, weird, "abnormal". I think about how much money women spend in order to pursue this unattainable beauty, this flawless face and body that's only possible in Photoshop.I think about how hard it must be for guys to not be able to express emotion, and to be ridiculed if they ever do so. About how both men and women struggle with themselves because they don't have "washboard abs" because they have a little bit of fat here and there. CELLULITE! the word has taken on a taboo.

 

and these ideals are taught to us from birth. through media. this is part of what socialization is. think about it, we turn on the TV and what kind of people do you see in those ads. not fat people, no. not unless they're selling the latest weight loss product. no, what you see is the "healthy" "happy" people who are so "happy" because of the latest whatever that just came out.

and this gets implanted into our minds, we want to be just as "happy" as those people on TV are.

The article Parents' Socialization of Children talks about how different parenting styles affect how the child will grow up. i'm happy with the way my parents brought me up. both of my parents are pretty much authoritative. so i grew up with supportive parents. well rounded thankfully. not only were they authoritative but they also kept my mind open to new things. . i used to love playing with cars and legos, just as well as much as i loved my Spice Girls barbies. I played with all of the colors. I wore dresses and also hand me downs from my brother.

the Retro Wife is about a woman who decides that she would stay as a stay at home wife in order to take care of her child and family. now because of the way that i was socialized by the media, this is outrageous. its anti feminist in a way. that she decides to live on whatever her husband brings back. but at the same time, because of the way i was socialized by my parents this sort of life style isn't bad at all. its old fashioned yes, but that's the way it used to be "back in the day". in the Philippines, sometimes moms really do stay at home all the time in order to take care of her child. in some cases, that sort of lifestyle is ideal.

how do you see yourself? we need to reflect on how this world is molding us. how it molds our thinking. and we need to try to think out of the box.

you are under my control: power

usually when we think about someone having power over someone its met with a negative view. and why not? i mean look at for example, the milgram experience. in that experiment people were subject to putting another person in harms way because they were "told do to it"and that "the experiment requires you to continue" let's break that down. the words that were used to make the "teacher" continue were in itself very demanding sounding kind of words. words that made them feel pressured to be obedient. "requires" essential" "you have no other choice". not only do the words sound dominating, but they also make you feel in a way afraid of what happens if you do not comply with the authorities order. there's a feeling of powerlessness, that you don't have the power to do anything about.

in the reading there was a section that particularly mentioned about the culture of silence. this reminded me of a time where in 5th grade, me and a couple of friends were being bullied by the "special needs" kids. and they had framed us to make it look like we were the ones bullying them. the school guidance counselor took me and my friends out of our class to reprimand us. so in a way, this was a form of that culture of silence. we were oppressed not only by the guidance counselor but also by those other kids. the fear of speaking out against those with more legitimate power and more authority. now i constantly wonder what would have happened if just one of us had told the guidance counselor the truth.

when we think "power" i think that most of us fear it so much because of coercive power. we're afraid of the punishment that follows. and i can't blame you. i'm afraid of it too.

but i think about it again, and sometimes "power" can be used in a good way. more of a guidance tool than that of control. i mean, our parents have power over us. but they use it in more of guidance tool than that of which to control us.

so i guess that depending on how "power" is used, affects the way that it is perceived. "good vs evil" so to speak =P